expectations.
it's another wednesday and so that means forensic science lecture. i was having lunch with 2 of my gal pals and was a little late... not that being early is going to be any helpful cos the subject taught today is DNA... gets pretty dry after a while, and incomprehensible.
the much awaited break came and i woke up from my napping. i was sitting with 1 of my gal pals and then, to pass time, striked up a topic for some small talk. at my personal discretion and out of respect for an individual's privacy, i would not say much about details. but what was interesting was the topic that we were discussing, which was - what else - BGRs.
a point to note is that apparently, young singaporeans who are seeking to get attached are affected, it seems, by a discrepancy in expectation levels. before i go even further, i would like to say i am considering this issue from both a guy's and a gal's perspective, and i hope what i've said here does reflect some reality in both sexes.
reality: gals today are more career-minded. that is a statement of fact. look at globalization and the stress from the education system, where educators brainwashed us with ideas of prioritizing career above all else. that perhaps have delayed the time people are getting attached.
i am not against gals being career-minded - after all, that's what gender equality is all about, right? gals deserve every right to prioritize careers as guys do. perhaps some readers may think i'm displaying some sort of gender discrimination - i am not. a true, unbiased representation of reality is not tantamount to an implied notion of certain affective or cognitive demonstrations.
gals who are career-minded, at the very least, can be assumed to have a certain sense of direction, are motivated, and show some independence. these are all very good. indeed, when one talks about gender equality, let's not forget that gender equality is about a balanced equation. weightage should not be skewed to either side, and no reasonable person should expect others to be of a certain standard if that person isn't already possessing that particular standard.
my concern is - and to which my friend does agree - is that for a career woman to succeed in the seemingly male-dominated world of business and industry, she may be required to display certain male characteristics. by these characteristics i mean dominance, a display and use of power and authority... etc etc. this again is not discriminatory. i agree with the notion that a career woman - or anyone else for that matter - requires such characteristics if she wishes to prove her own capabilities and rise up the corporate ladder.
which, even before qualifying as a career woman, such traits - perhaps emphasized or exaggerated by the academic system or social groups - may have been an obstacle to potential couples. by this i mean that perhaps some career women have raised the bar so high - expectations, in other words - that few if any men can actually even attempt to reach these expectations.
oh sure, you would say, well, if you can't reach it, get outta my sight and i'll just wait until someone who can reach comes along.
in reaction to such a phenomenon it hardly comes as a surprise that SG men have sometimes been labeled less interesting that our caucasian counterparts. i beg to differ. as with any society, there will always be less interesting people around... do not forget that proportions and base rates (statistics) are at work. we can partly attribute the higher appeal exuded from caucasians to glamorous Hollywood, and due to this representativeness heuristic, people began to assume that caucasians are more interesting and become biased in the process.
so then, what's next? SG men began to realize that, unable to match the expectations set by the gals, they turn their attention to the next best alternatives. it's not gender discrimination - it's simply economics at work. indeed, these has perhaps led to the favorable treatment received by gals from our neighboring countries of late. that of course includes the usual bride and the gals from other countries who are more readily accepted by SG men.
are we saying that SG gals should lower their expectations? not necessary. i do know of guy friends who have (impossibly) high standards of their potential gal frens or wives. if you have the bargaining power - this applies to both genders - go ahead. but if you're a normal person, just like me, high standards, just like world records, are broken only that once every blue moon. if we apply the same logic to this issue, that would mean a very long wait for that ideal person to arrive. question: how many are there in this world?
so we realize that some members of both genders commit the same - i would say - fallacy. personally, i admit that i do have ideals (who doesn't) and if i were to consider the ideals realistically, they're just that - ideals! attainability doesn't seem to be high. but in any case, i do know that this issue would not see a perfect resolve any time soon. meanwhile, my only message is to re-evaluate your standards and ask - are these really attainable by a human?
let me just share my ideal and realistic expectations here:
ideal: tall (>1.65), slim, fair, pretty / cute, good figure, independent, love me more than i love her (haha)
realistic: decent looks, figure does not really matter. of good character, some independence preferred.
there... it's realistic, isn't it? many gals would have no problem satisfying that!
the much awaited break came and i woke up from my napping. i was sitting with 1 of my gal pals and then, to pass time, striked up a topic for some small talk. at my personal discretion and out of respect for an individual's privacy, i would not say much about details. but what was interesting was the topic that we were discussing, which was - what else - BGRs.
a point to note is that apparently, young singaporeans who are seeking to get attached are affected, it seems, by a discrepancy in expectation levels. before i go even further, i would like to say i am considering this issue from both a guy's and a gal's perspective, and i hope what i've said here does reflect some reality in both sexes.
reality: gals today are more career-minded. that is a statement of fact. look at globalization and the stress from the education system, where educators brainwashed us with ideas of prioritizing career above all else. that perhaps have delayed the time people are getting attached.
i am not against gals being career-minded - after all, that's what gender equality is all about, right? gals deserve every right to prioritize careers as guys do. perhaps some readers may think i'm displaying some sort of gender discrimination - i am not. a true, unbiased representation of reality is not tantamount to an implied notion of certain affective or cognitive demonstrations.
gals who are career-minded, at the very least, can be assumed to have a certain sense of direction, are motivated, and show some independence. these are all very good. indeed, when one talks about gender equality, let's not forget that gender equality is about a balanced equation. weightage should not be skewed to either side, and no reasonable person should expect others to be of a certain standard if that person isn't already possessing that particular standard.
my concern is - and to which my friend does agree - is that for a career woman to succeed in the seemingly male-dominated world of business and industry, she may be required to display certain male characteristics. by these characteristics i mean dominance, a display and use of power and authority... etc etc. this again is not discriminatory. i agree with the notion that a career woman - or anyone else for that matter - requires such characteristics if she wishes to prove her own capabilities and rise up the corporate ladder.
which, even before qualifying as a career woman, such traits - perhaps emphasized or exaggerated by the academic system or social groups - may have been an obstacle to potential couples. by this i mean that perhaps some career women have raised the bar so high - expectations, in other words - that few if any men can actually even attempt to reach these expectations.
oh sure, you would say, well, if you can't reach it, get outta my sight and i'll just wait until someone who can reach comes along.
in reaction to such a phenomenon it hardly comes as a surprise that SG men have sometimes been labeled less interesting that our caucasian counterparts. i beg to differ. as with any society, there will always be less interesting people around... do not forget that proportions and base rates (statistics) are at work. we can partly attribute the higher appeal exuded from caucasians to glamorous Hollywood, and due to this representativeness heuristic, people began to assume that caucasians are more interesting and become biased in the process.
so then, what's next? SG men began to realize that, unable to match the expectations set by the gals, they turn their attention to the next best alternatives. it's not gender discrimination - it's simply economics at work. indeed, these has perhaps led to the favorable treatment received by gals from our neighboring countries of late. that of course includes the usual bride and the gals from other countries who are more readily accepted by SG men.
are we saying that SG gals should lower their expectations? not necessary. i do know of guy friends who have (impossibly) high standards of their potential gal frens or wives. if you have the bargaining power - this applies to both genders - go ahead. but if you're a normal person, just like me, high standards, just like world records, are broken only that once every blue moon. if we apply the same logic to this issue, that would mean a very long wait for that ideal person to arrive. question: how many are there in this world?
so we realize that some members of both genders commit the same - i would say - fallacy. personally, i admit that i do have ideals (who doesn't) and if i were to consider the ideals realistically, they're just that - ideals! attainability doesn't seem to be high. but in any case, i do know that this issue would not see a perfect resolve any time soon. meanwhile, my only message is to re-evaluate your standards and ask - are these really attainable by a human?
let me just share my ideal and realistic expectations here:
ideal: tall (>1.65), slim, fair, pretty / cute, good figure, independent, love me more than i love her (haha)
realistic: decent looks, figure does not really matter. of good character, some independence preferred.
there... it's realistic, isn't it? many gals would have no problem satisfying that!
posted by shicong says... at 8:55 PM
0 comments
