2 meetups in 2 days with 2 friends each.

i just came back from the second.

it was a trip down to vivocity with 2 friends, with the purpose of buying new year clothes. i had a budget and the kind of stuff i wanted in mind, however, it was a tad beyond my means. not that i could not afford it, but buying the ones i wanted would limit the number of pieces i could really buy. moreover, the designs were not to my liking... i think i can get nicer looking ones at better prices elsewhere.

took the trip as a way to relax. frankly, i have a lot of things in mind, and the old issue that i had since graduation is still there. as a light sleeper, it is a blessing if i could reach dreamland within half an hour - i usually take about 2 to do so, after a lot of turns and sleeping positions.

i woke up at 3 am in the morning and did not fall asleep again until 5. that said, i only slept at 1 before i was awakened again. i need to stop thinking so much before i sleep, and try to have less random stuff occupying my thoughts all the time.

i would buy the stuff i need next week.

back to the first. it was yesterday - my friend had an off day and we decided to meet up. being in the service industry, it is common to only have 1 off day per week, and almost 99% it is going to be on a weekday. while this friend of mine is in charge of training, and logically, would usually be conducted during off-peak / dedicated sessions, the live action occurs during the other times. i suppose that's where training gets practical, and supervision a necessity.

had coffee at raffles city while we waited for another friend to arrive. of course, there was the usual catching up, as well as new, spicy stuff. i found myself giving out a lot of suggestions yesterday, because it was a topic that i am quite interested in, and it just so happened that i was in a good position to talk about it.

to sum it up, it pretty much repeats some of the stuff i had, or might have, said before. the ones who truly deserve do not get it, while the ones who don't get it (the "it" here are good things). and when the latter does, they don't usually treasure.

the above paragraph speaks a lot about some stuff that i personally went through. not that i'm complaining, but i just thought that sometimes, it just doesn't happen. what i hope is that the things that "just don't happen" are not many in number, or it can get really depressing. it might not be so bad if no one asks about it, but when they do - you force yourself to look normal, and you make a short statement about things still being ok and bearable, but that hardly says anything about what you actually feel. going on to explain things makes things feel even worse, until the point you just stop explaining, knowing that people won't understand anyway.

anyway, i used to think about a certain possibility, and i had in mind what i was going to do and say. surprisingly, i wasn't really affected much by it. i guess it's because i'm still very removed from the entire affair altogether and, although i really do think that it can happen, it might just take a little more time. moreoever, i don't feel ready yet, at least in certain aspects.

i wonder how i would feel if it comes to materialize. would i curse myself for procrastinating? would i feel relieved, because i do not have to think about it again? would i even go on to feel and share the joy that comes out of it?

there i go again.

stop thinking and speculating. just do what you can, and what you have to. many things are just not up to you - look forward and hope for better things to come.

hope. yeah... that's right.