goondo dickheads series eps. 1

ok, this is a hate post. or rather, a series of it.

each episode in this series talks about one of my pet peeves. although i regard myself to be a pretty amicable person and tolerant of many things, i do have a list of things i hate that people do. and the good news (because each post will make the world a better place?) is that i will be blogging about these peeves.

today i will talk about one of them. human traffic impediments.

and these impediments are of course, people. the following examples illustrate how these people go about committing this pet peeve of mine.

you are walking down a cramped and crowded street / aisle / corridor / any type of walkway. the reasons for it being cramped and crowded can be many and are not listed here. you may or may not be in a hurry, but you will like to get past this crowd asap.

there may be merchandise / shops along this particular walkway and people are stopping by to browse through. ok, fine... there's no problem with that. the problem arises when you are so immersed with the merchandise that you start to forget that thisisaverycrampedwalkway and other people need to pass through, and you happen to choose such a strategic position that you are positioned in the middle of the walkway. it's worse when you have another person who's also browsing the stuff and taking up the side of the walkway.

well, so what's the big deal, you say. there's still space to walk through. yeah, there sure is, enough to let a cat stroll through. how bad is that? it wouldn't have been a problem if you are conscious that other people will like to pass through as well, but well, you don't. you're so immersed and so in-your-own-world that you forget other people exist. you need an impatient grunt of an "excuse-me" to wake up your idea. that's just great... than you scowl and roll eyes at the person who just needed your "kind" excuse and make a dumb comment.

alright, suppose now you are not in a hurry and so does the one in front of you. it's understandable if you are carrying a lot of stuff, pushing a trolley / baby cart, or slightly slower. that's ok. but please, be conscious (and courteous) to keep to the side. why do you have to make everybody slow down and pissed just because of your situation? people should exist not to trouble one another, but this world - there's just so many goondos around.

another example occurs frequently on escalators. there is an unspoken rule that you should keep to the left if you are not in a hurry, and keep the right side free for people who are in a rush. if you really want to stand on the right side, at least be kind enough (oh my, we even have to BEG these kind of people and endure their stupid nonsense) to make sure there's a free space between you and the immediate person behind you, who is so kind enough to be standing on the LEFT. give people a chance to move forward! again, the world's having too many goondos.

to quote a friend of mine (you know who you are) - and it goes something like this - there's only two things that's infinite: the universe and stupidity. yes, the latter especially - it is destructive enough to engulf the entire universe.

now, here comes both the good and bad news. let's start with the bad, since everybody likes it in that order. so here goes.

let's face it. you probably are one of those goondos who did these kinds of goondo-ish things before. or, even worse, you are still doing them now, just that you are not conscious of it. that's great, and perhaps i shall enlighten you, that you are in other people's eyes a goondo. that's a fascinating revelation, don't you think!

you are ignorant of what is happening around you, you do not give a shit about the environment, and you are just plain conscious only of your existence. that's cool, because you can do whatever you want, and nobody will say - they will just think - that you are downright a pure goondo. nobody's gonna point out to you that you are one, and you're lucky - because you can't really take the truth that you are actually dumb.

the good news? well, i've said it in my opening paragraph that this world is going to be a better place, only because you have read this post and are lucky enough to know that i will tell you how to stop behaving like a goondo. that's gonna add some points to you, and the better thing is, you don't have to pay or thank me for it. reducing this world by one goondo day by day is the most gratifying thing for me.

be alert of what is happening around you! be considerate. be conscious. know the unspoken rules. don't do unto others what you don't want others to do to you. are all these very hard things to do?

start practicing these stuff by telling yourself: i'm a goondo, i did all these stuff that used to piss people off, i'm not going to do them again. then follow the advice as laid out in the previous paragraph. TADA! don't you feel good now that you are making the world a better place than it was yesterday! well done!

just yesterday, i was on my way to my students' place at woodlands. in order to get there, i must change trains at jurong east station. people who need to change there know how ass-sucking it is to change trains at 6pm. that's the time when you actually have to squeeze in the train and fight to get into the slot.

fight is perhaps overrated. you need to move fast, that's what it is. however, i was already in that carriage and it was pretty packed - like 95% packed, so the remaining 5% is reserved for some breathing space between each passenger. if you take that and divide by 50 (average number of people in the carriage) you don't have much room for yourself.

now, the train door was about to close when someone - in fact, three of them - decided to maximize the use of the carriage's remaining space. so they decided to take that 5% for themselves and SHOVED their way into that carriage.

shoved is underrated. trampled is good.

whoa, thanks for helping SMRT to maximize the available space. you are not shareholders of that company, i hope. i certainly hope it is not because of your fortes - which is widely known in the world - that you can calculate at the speed of light the amount of space available and that you judge that there's sufficient space for you to get in. and just because singaporeans are *largely* polite people, they decide not to make a noise when you shoved your way in. thanks for "giving me a push" in the process.

i don't know if that's the way you did things in your hometown / country, but please, some things are best left at home. you are not culturally sensitive. heck, this is not even related to culture... this is basic courtesy. can't you wait for the next train or at least, politely ask to be excused. or perhaps you don't, because you speak a form of english that nobody really understands.

yeah, this is the result of an influx of foreign talent. today, we are talking about townships. what about tomorrow? of course, i'm not discounting the fact that singapore was once an immigrant country, but please... know your basic manners. i wonder if you are even properly educated - i suppose you did receive formal education (judging from your attire), which in your country is a bloody lucky thing to get, but apparently you fail terribly in the etiquette section.

goondo dickhead.

PS. there's no need to understand what goondo means, the-guy-who-shoved-me, no sir. you only need to understand the meaning of dickhead. which is pretty appropriate because you have a part of your body which isn't supposed to be at where it should be.

and when you start substituting your brains with your balls - good luck.